Closure
by from-sabrina
Summary: "I'm ready to leave when something occurs to me. By the way, I think,... You still owe me a kiss for the confession that I didn't make. I'll see you eventually, though; you can make it up to me then. You can make it all up to me then. And then, I've found the closure I needed."


**Pairing: Austin/Ally**  
**Prompt: My Twitter creys. By the way, if you haven't heard yet, my Twitter username has changed to yours_sabrina so don't try following SingDanceWrite.**  
**Notes: Ugh, I can never deal with angst, so this almost killed me to write. Sorry if it's awful, first-timer with angst here.**  
**Disclaimer: Yada yada yada, no copyright infringement intended.**

**Copyright 2012 LostAmongTheStars**

* * *

I remember meeting Austin Moon for the first time. He was being a disturbance, so I marched over and dealt with him. Or, tried to deal with him, I guess. I learned a long time ago that nobody can just _deal_ with Austin Moon. Nope, he'll whirl on in to your life, and just like a hurricane, he'll knock the breath out of you. And once he's in your life, you better kiss goodbye to whatever dreams you had of living a drama-free life.

Well, that first meeting led to a "beautiful partnership". For two years, we laughed, cried, and rolled around in success together, along with Trish and Dez. We were... happy. And then, everything changed.

I remember Austin's 18th birthday like it was just yesterday. I had been slowly falling in love with him for the past year, and had finally worked up the courage to tell him. I had it all planned out, too. Right after he blew out his candles, I would go over and hug him, then, real smooth-like, I'd tell him how I felt. And then we would kiss and everything would be perfect and asd;glkgdsd. Of course, there was the very large chance that he would tell me how he didn't reciprocate my feelings and then everything would be awkward, but this was the best case scenario.

Anyways, I was all set to go confess after Austin blew out his candles, but a tuxedo-ed man got to him before me. Confused, I made my way to where Austin and the strange man were talking. "What's going on?" I asked.

Austin turned to me, an exhilarated grin on his face. "This guy represents VEVO**(1)**, and they want to sign me on!"

My eyes widened and I exclaimed, "What? No way, this is amazing!" I honestly felt like jumping up and down and squealing. Over the past year, Austin's fame had been steadily rising, but this was the biggest break we'd ever had.

"There's more," continued Austin. "Guess who Mr. Mark**(2)** brought with him?"

The man, who I assumed was Mr. Mark, turned and let someone by him. "Who?" I asked.

"Cassidy!" He grinned, taking the "someone" and twirling her around. I guess he saw how my face fell (believe me, what I was feeling was a lot worse), because he asked, "What's wrong? Aren't you happy about this opportunity?" Leaning close, he added, "Plus, Cassidy's back!"

All I could do was smile and nod. "That's great! I'll go tell Trish and Dez the good news!"

That night, I cried myself to sleep. Obviously Austin was actually _in love_ with Cassidy (a year and a half after she left and he's still crazy about her? That's love for Austin), and he looked unbelievably happy when he was dancing with her. I swear, they were both _glowing_. How could I tell him about my feelings then? I- I li- _love_ Austin, but above all, I want him to be happy, so I just... avoided him as best as I could.

The next week, the deal with Mr. Mark was set in stone, and Austin came over to Sonic Boom (with Cassidy in hand- of course) to tell me the good news.

When I heard that he _could_ take his team with him, I broke out into a smile and hugged him. "This is so amazing," I said, my voice muffled into his shoulder.

"Yeah, right?" he enthused, looking over at Cassidy. A second later, though, his face fell.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Cassidy's band didn't make it," he said quietly. "Now she's stuck waitressing instead of living out her dream." He sighed. "I really wish I could bring her, but it was hard enough to get Mr. Mark to let you guys come; he said three people was the maximum."

Cassidy shrugged. "Nothing you can do about it, Austin, don't feel bad. Besides, waitressing is super... fun...!" The lack of enthusiasm in her words made me wince.

Austin looked heartbroken, and that made me hurt, too. "I hate this," he groaned, taking Cassidy into his arms. "I hate that I have to leave you behind."

While Cassidy murmured comforting words in his ear, I stood there and tried not to feel to awkward, as well as to sort out my own feelings. I had no idea what would happen when we got to LA and the record company evaluated us, and I was even more unsure about what Team Austin's future would be. Cassidy... I really did feel bad for her. I couldn't bring myself to hate her, because she was genuinely a nice person. Yes, Austin chose her over me, but in the end that was his choice, and I couldn't hold that against her. Austin, on the other hand... He had just broken my heart. Being in the same room as him and his girlfriend so soon... It felt like a knife was twisting in my heart. These fake smiles, awkward glances, and all the wishful thinking was _killing_ me.

"Ally!" Austin interrupted my thoughts. "Did you know that Cassidy writes songs, too?" He led her over to the piano, sitting her down. "C'mon, play us something!" he urged. So she did. And damn, it was _good_.

The two of them left a while later, but I couldn't stop thinking about how in love Austin was and how absolutely fan-effing-tastic Cassidy the Songwriter was.

By sunrise on the day we (Team Austin) were supposed to leave for LA, I knew what I had decided.

* * *

That was ten years ago. I told Austin to bring Cassidy with him instead of me. Was it an easy decision? Hell, no. Did Austin take to it well? Hell, no, to that, too, but I convinced him after an hour of pointless arguing. Trish and Dez... they couldn't believe what I had done. Trish wanted to stay back in Miami with me, but I couldn't have her giving up something big like a record deal for me.

So, they went, and they succeeded. Austin Moon became a sensation, but with that came the price of fame. Dez and Trish were soon dropped from his team and they returned to Miami world-weary. Cassidy... She remained with Austin, not as his song-writer (if she did, I think I would have really broken down), but as his girlfriend.

Even that didn't last long, though. Austin was swept up by fame, and pretty soon he had a different girl on his arm every week. Cassidy came home a two years later, heartbroken. She and I managed to bond over our mutual broken hearts, courtesy of one A. Moon. She insisted that Austin was only acting so crazy and out-of-control because I wasn't there to keep him in line. She said that she and Austin were too alike- carefree and happy (though she was definitely more sensible), and that opposites attract. However, I was already jaded by then, so I didn't believe her.

To say that I cried when Team Austin and Cassidy left would be an understatement. I assume that someone could swim in a pool of my tears, if necessary. Then, when everyone came back to Miami except for Austin, to say that I tortured myself with "what if"s would also be an understatement. I don't think I was myself for a whole year. But, the clock doesn't stop for anyone.

So, we all went on with our lives. I started focusing more attention on the store, Trish finally got a steady job at a telemarketing place (but she hated it- can you imagine Trish sitting behind a desk for the rest of her life?), Dez kind of just floated around (lost, without his best friend), and Cassidy took over the manager position from Mindy. It was like Austin all had the greatest impact on our lives, and once that was taken away, we didn't know what to do with ourselves.

We still followed Austin in the news, of course. No matter how broken he had left us, none of us wanted anything more than his happiness (well, Trish might've wanted to punch him out for leaving us in the dust), and we smiled when he received another award and we bought all his albums.

When I was 24, news of Austin doing drugs and all sorts of bad stuff got to me. I was shocked, really, because Austin had always been such a happy-go-lucky person who knew what was good for him and what was not. Cassidy chalked it up to a rebellious phase, but it wasn't just a phase. He didn't stop doing the drugs and screwing the girls, and everyone else in our odd little group slowly lost their respect for him. I kept hoping, but after two years, I was done.

At 27 I started dating again. I know, pathetic, for me to be hooked up on Austin for 9 years. Still, it was an improvement for me, and Dez, Trish, and Cassidy cheered me on for it.

And then, one year later, everything changed.

* * *

Today is the day of Austin's funeral, ten years after that fateful candle-blowing. We (Dez, Trish, Cassidy, and I) are dressed in black, with bouquets of flowers in our hands. Millions of fans around the world are holding their own remember-Austin-type things, but it's only the Hollywood elite that are attending his funeral. And us. I'm surprised we were even invited; we're just nobodies.

There are plastic smiles and "I'm so sorry"'s being passed around to- who? Oh, those are Austin's parents. Now I know why we were invited. From across the room, Austin's mom smiles sadly at me and I return the gesture. Who would've thought Austin would die from drug usage? I certainly didn't, and if it hit me that hard, I don't even want to imagine how Mimi**(3)**'s feeling.

As everyone sits down and the sermon begins, I watch mutely as Dez, Trish, Cassidy, and Austin's parents cry real tears, and not the little ones that the actress sitting next to me is forcing out right now. The days before Austin's funeral... I had been a wreck. Now, I feel like I don't have any tears left in me, not for Austin. Lord knows I've cried enough tears to fill the ten swimming pools now, just for him. I just can't- I can't cry for him anymore, I physically and mentally cannot. So, I sit there, dry-eyed, torturing myself with all the "what if"s that could have been.

When it comes time for guests to put their flowers and whatnot next to Austin's coffin (we weren't invited to make a speech), I still haven't found closure.

When almost everyone has left and it's just Dez, Trish, Cassidy, and Austin's parents waiting at the door for me, I'm ready.

I go up to Austin's open coffin, where he finally looks like himself again- serene with a touch of happy-go-lucky. I don't have flowers for him, but I have my songwriting book, the one that I used while we were partners (I generally go through one book every two or so years). I set it on his chest, then gently place his hands on it. I can feel Austin's parents' eyes on me, and I know this is the right thing to do because their stares are approving. I nod once to them, then turn back to Austin, silently talking to him.

_Hi, Austin. It's been a while now, huh? It's nice to see you again. Oh, here's my book. It has all of our songs in it. I, uh, I hope you'll take it with you to heaven. Because that's where you belong: heaven. No matter what you did in the past 10 years; the number of smiles you have put on people's faces overshadows it all. I never told you this, but... I love you. Yup, present tense. I always have, and I alway will. I know things didn't work out too well for us in this world, but... maybe we can try again in the next? _

I'm ready to leave when something occurs to me._ By the way... You still owe me a kiss for the confession that I didn't make. I'll see you eventually, though; you can make it up to me then. You can make it _all_ up to me then._

And then, I've found the closure I needed.

* * *

**A/N: I'm not going to say anything because I'm quietly shaking. Writing angst has killed me, guys. I'm dead now.**

**(1) VEVO is a company that represents of all the biggest music labels. (2) Four for whoever gets this reference xP (3) Mimi and Mark Moon are Austin's parents.**

**~ Sabrina**


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